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Will You Put a Leash on That Fucking Thing?

lifestyle — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 19:49:54 +0000

Eighteen Years is a Long Time to Wait for Something You Hate to Go Away. By Daniel Ian Taylor This week the NBC phenomenon Heroes returned to television, which is something I've been giggling and wringing my hands and chattering about since the show went on hiatus over a month ago. I'm so pleased that there's a show that I can follow from week to week with genuine anticipation and glee, and I feel compelled to write this week's column about what a fantastic program it is [...]

Will You Put a Leash on That Fucking Thing?

lifestyle — Mon, 09 Apr 2007 19:44:37 +0000

And when you let it off, will you make sure it’s in a soundproof container? By Daniel Ian Taylor I don’t go to McDonalds much anymore. I realise why they felt that they had to add a healthy smart choice value menu or whatever the hell it is. But it’s just not McDonalds anymore. When I want a wholesome sandwich that is low in trans fats and carbs and all the other things I have never understood or cared about, I’ll go to Quiznos or Subway or some mom and pop operation that could actually give a good goddamn about [...]

Will You Put a Leash on That Fucking Thing?

lifestyle — Sun, 25 Mar 2007 19:42:02 +0000

On Dressing the Child. By Daniel Ian Taylor I’ve gotten to the age now where I can ask my father the questions that I was once afraid to ask. I was once too young, not yet ready to hear the answers, afraid to know such things. But now I am ready. Did you love mom? Was I planned? Is Susan really your favourite or is it secretly me? Even now, with a hardened heart of accrued disappointment and collected tobacco residue, I am sometimes unprepared for what he says [...]

Will You Put a Leash on That Fucking Thing?

lifestyle — Sun, 04 Feb 2007 19:38:51 +0000

The monkey from Outbreak is running around the grocery store in a baby blue snowsuit and nobody seems to care but me. By Daniel Ian Taylor The woman who sits in the cubicle next to mine at work has two children, and she is annoyed… No… No, that’s not the word. She is genuinely incensed, livid, horrified that I have taken it upon myself to write a parenting column, having never been a parent myself. She thinks it’s disrespectful to parents, children, and the time-honoured social mechanism of The Family[...]

Will You Put a Leash on That Fucking Thing?

lifestyle — Sun, 21 Jan 2007 19:36:56 +0000

Chariots of Wire, Pt2 By Daniel Ian Taylor Plucking out the final keystrokes of last week’s edition of WYPALOTFT, I leaned back into my office chair with a self-satisfied smirk as I hit “send” and it was whisked away into the vastness of the internet. “Now,” I muttered aloud, swirling the ice in my whisky tumbler, “to wait for the accolades to come pouring in.” [...]

Will You Put a Leash on That Fucking Thing?

lifestyle — Sun, 14 Jan 2007 19:30:43 +0000

Practical Advice for the Commuting Parent on the Go. By Daniel Ian Taylor I take the subway and bus when I commute to work. I don’t really like it, but that’s just the way she goes. It gets me where I’m trying to go and I get to be particularly self-righteous about this whole global warming thing that we’re going through right now. “Hey man, I take the subway. My hands are clean.” But that’s not the point.

Will You Put a Leash on That Fucking Thing?

lifestyle — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 19:26:39 +0000

Practical Parenting Tips That Will Make the World a Better Place for Your Children to Grow Up In By Daniel Taylor Many times I've heard people say that they just want to make the world a better place to raise their children. They say it with an air of wistful nobility, as though they are setting off on a beautiful, courageous, endless journey. Like they're taking up a lance and shield and slaying every awful thing that would ever dream of setting a scaly, clawed foot in the path of their yet-unborn child's wondrous existence.