Positing on positivity! Get it? You’ll laugh later.
By Heather Loney
[Read part one of this article here]
Thinking positively, for a surly naysayer like myself, can be exhausting. In fact, just writing that sentence — having to explain it — feels like a tepid wave of lethargy washing over me. Fortunately for this article, my parents just dropped off a novelty can of “Canadian Beaver Buzz,” and before you think my parents are inappropriate and pervy (gutter-minds, all of you!), realize that CBB is Canada’s rebuttal to the Red Bull epidemic.
With that in mind, allow me to recount. Part one of this topic — how to be remembered after your death — featured some useful, albeit negative, ideas for achieving this feat. Part two vows to be positive! Nothing like a little sunshine in your day, right? The Beav is kicking in, so here we go! Positivity! For the next three paragraphs!
Positive tactic number one: emblazon yourself in pop culture history by being just famous enough to wind up on a witty t-shirt or coffee mug. My first exposure to Sartre wasn’t in OAC Philosophy or first year university. It was on a t-shirt that my dad used to wear that read: “I’m not here. You’re not here. Don’t leave a message. There is no beep — Jean Paul Sartre’s Answering Machine.” And I thought, “Wow, I don’t know who that is, or what that means. But all of the adults around me seem to be chuckling smugly at this shirt right now; I like this Sartre character” — and a future philosophy major was born.
Similarly, this summer I was at a cottage, and while making the morning coffee found an old mug that read “I’m saving myself for Tom Selleck.” I had to pause. I mean, it had never really occurred to me to think of Mr. Selleck in this way, but seeing such a blunt expression of desire for him, suddenly I had the urge to forget about the whole “old enough to be my grandfather” thing, dust off my copy of Mr. Baseball, and seriously rethink my original stance on this aging beefcake. Way to go T.S.!
Positive tactic number two: sorry, what? Apologies. I was just thinking about something else. Let’s just say, get on a mug. Get on a mug by being really handsome, and growing a formidable mustache, and making funny, awesome movies about playing baseball in Japan. Yeah, then I’ll remember you.