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Archive for the ‘Paul's Calls’ Category

Paul’s Controversial Calls: Darkseid Vs. Molly Hayes

Posted by Comics On April - 25 - 2008

Paul Lacey knows very little about comics, but he’s always willing to learn. Between tutoring sessions with MONDOComics’ Tom Kerr and scouring the back issue bins for Runaways issues, Paul has made time to be shown pictures of two comic book characters and he will decide who would win in a fight. His answer may not be the popular one — or for the right reason — but hey, it’s Paul’s call.

This month’s matchup, Darkseid Vs. Molly Hayes (from Runaways).

Paul says: now look, I know very little about comic books. Still, generally speaking, I can tell the difference between Superman and Mr. Fantastic (in that Mr. Fantastic is the one that sucks ass). What I do know is this: Molly Hayes once punched Wolverine through the front door of a church and where I come from that automatically makes her fucking awesome. From what I understand, Darkseid appears to be Magneto but with a rock for a face. If you can punch Wolverine through the door (which, by the way, automatically makes you fucking awesome), then you can sure as hell punch a Magneto/Thing crossover wannabe and make his face explode into pebbles. Look at this guy. Is that a skirt?! Back into obscurity with you Darkseid — Princess Powerful for the win.

Paul’s Controversial Calls: Chamber vs. Invincible

Posted by Comics On March - 25 - 2008

Paul Lacey knows very little about comics, but he’s always willing to learn. Between tutoring sessions with MONDOComics’ Tom Kerr and scouring the back issue bins for Runaways issues, Paul has made time to be shown pictures of two comic book characters and he will decide who would win in a fight. His answer may not be the popular one — or for the right reason — but hey, it’s Paul’s call.

This month’s matchup, Chamber Vs. Invincible

Chamber Vs. Invincible

Paul says: What the hell is that?! Chamber’s power is to explode his own face?! In any other call, Chamber would lose by default for looking like such a damn fool, but Invincible’s costume is so lame that I can only assume he’s about as powerful as the Putties from Power Rangers or the Foot Clan from Ninja Turtles. Since Putties can be made to explode just be touching the right part of their foam chestwear, I’ll guess that Invincible would probably die pretty quickly from Chamber’s exploding face attack. Chamber for the win.

Paul’s Controversial Calls: Doubles Match

Posted by Comics On February - 19 - 2008

Paul Lacey knows very little about comics, but he’s always willing to learn. Between tutoring sessions with MONDOComics’ Tom Kerr and scouring the back issue bins for Runaways issues, Paul has made time to be shown pictures of two comic book characters and he will decide who would win in a fight. His answer may not be the popular one — or for the right reason — but hey, it’s Paul’s call.

This month’s matchup is our first DOUBLES MATCH!!!!!!! Black Adam and Isis Vs. Gambit and Rogue!

Black Adam and Isis Vs. Gambit and Rogue

Oh, good. Pictures of fictional people with big breasts and abnormal abs kissing. This is just what I need to decide who would win in a fight. Happy February nerdlings. Black Adam and Isis appear to be from Egypt and can fly when they’re in love. I’m pretty sure Rogue’s super power involves being emo about not being able to touch people, so she’s already out of the running (especially since she appears to have even screwed that up here). Now I’ve thrown playing cards in the air before, and I know that Gambit could never throw them as high as love itself, so I’m going to say that true love prevails with Black Adam and Isis making love in the desert sun.

Paul’s Controversial Calls: Metamorpho vs. Judo Master

Posted by Comics On January - 15 - 2008

Paul Lacey knows very little about comics, but he’s always willing to learn. Between tutoring sessions with MONDOComics’ Tom Kerr and scouring the back issue bins for Runaways issues, Paul has made time to be shown pictures of two comic book characters and he will decide who would win in a fight. His answer may not be the popular one — or for the right reason — but hey, it’s Paul’s call.

This month’s matchup, Metamorpho Vs. Judo Master

Metamorpho Vs. Judo Master

Paul says: Let me get this straight – this man can turn his limbs into the elements. According to that table he’s standing on, he can even turn his limbs into elements that don’t even EXIST. So he’s like, the Fantastic One Hundred Thirty, all in one. He’s facing a man who thinks you use a spear in Judo created by the masterminds at some cheap basement-officed company called “Charlton Comics.” Now I don’t know where “Charlton Comics” sets their stories, but it MY universe, Metamorpho kills the Judo Master ever faster than that dinosaur on Mr. Charlton’s cover does.PS. “Tree” is not an element, Metamorpho.

Paul’s Controversial Calls: Cassandra Nova vs. Heat Wave

Posted by Comics On December - 4 - 2007

Paul Lacey knows very little about comics, but he’s always willing to learn. Between tutoring sessions with MONDOComics’ Tom Kerr and scouring the back issue bins for Runaways issues, Paul has made time to be shown pictures of two comic book characters and he will decide who would win in a fight. His answer may not be the popular one — or for the right reason — but hey, it’s Paul’s call.

This month’s matchup, Cassandra Nova Vs. Heat Wave

 

Paul says: What is this, some kind of joke? A transvestite grandpa against a gun made out of fire? Look at that man! He’s shooting fire, while ON fire, and there’s fire all around him. This Cassandra Nova character had best just keep up her job hunting gorillas and leave the real work to Heatwave. This call isn’t even controversial — Heat Wave for the win.

Paul’s Controversial Calls: Killer Croc vs. Mr. Fantastic

Posted by Comics On November - 6 - 2007

Paul Lacey knows very little about comics, but he’s always willing to learn. Between tutoring sessions with MONDOcomics’ Tom Kerr and scouring the back issue bins for Runaways issues Paul has made time to be shown pictures of two comic book characters and he will decide who would win in a fight. His answer may not be the popular one — or for the right reason — but hey, it’s Paul’s call.

This month’s matchup: Killer Croc Vs. Mr. Fantastic

Paul says: Mr. Fantastic looks like a fucking dolt every panel that he’s stretching his neck out for no goddamn reason. He’s also stupid smart. Sure, he’d probably beat that crocodile-Hulk crossover, but he’d do it with some AntiMatter-Crocodile-Neuron-Neutralizer Device that he made out of some spare garbage cans he found lying around. Thrilling. I hate Mr. Fantastic.

Paul’s Controversial Calls: Green Lantern vs. The Punisher

Posted by Comics On October - 2 - 2007

Paul Lacey knows very little about comics. In fact, aside from a passing knowledge of the Hulk and a love of Runaways he knows next to nothing. Once a month Paul will be shown pictures of two comic book superheroes and he will decide who would win in a fight. His answer may not be the popular one — or even the right one — but hey, it’s Paul’s call.

This month’s match: Green Lantern (Hal Jordan) vs. The Punisher

Paul says: The Punisher would totally win. Look at all those guns.

Thanks Paul! See you next month!

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