MONDOmagazine

Caesar Martini, Sean Kelly and Isaac Mills

Summer heat scorching? Chill out with the cool crew as they, um, freeze-dry the summer preview season with a look at The Expendables, Scott Pilgrim vs The World, Pirahna 3D and more variety than an ice cream vending cart! Plus Caesar totally goes there with Chris Brown and Rihanna. Now that’s really cold.

AUGUST 7th
Get Low

Sean
I saw this film at the Toronto Film Festival and it highlighted by a great performance by Robert Duvall. Definitely worth seeing if you can.

Isaac
It has Bill Murray in it, what more do you need to know?! Robert Duvall stars as a crazy hermit who comes out to hold his own funeral, wanting everyone there to hear his story, so that sounds a bit like Big Fish except there weren’t any crazy visuals or circuses in the trailer that I noticed. Still – Bill Murray!

Flipped

Isaac
This looks like something that will only appeal to people 25 years older than me, a nostalgic 50’s era tale of a young kid who falls in love with that first girl he met when he moved to town. Nothing beyond that was really communicated in the trailer. I guess the girl is the weird, smart girl in town? I bet they live happily ever after until they get divorced in the 90’s and the boy gets a flashy red convertible.

Middle Men

Isaac
It has Luke Wilson, the sort-of-funny-but certainly-not-my-favourite Wilson as the guy who came up with the idea to sell porn on the internet. If this had Owen Wilson in it I would definitely be there, but as it is, it’s not for me – but even then, I can’t imagine this not doing well in general.

The Other Guys

Caesar
This film, directed by Adam McKay (Anchorman, Talladega Nights, Step Brothers) pairs up tough-guy actor Mark Wahlberg with permanent man-child actor Will Ferrell and sets them up as two bumbling cops perpetually in the shadow of much better cops (The Rock and Samuel L. Jackson). That’s all I know about it and that’s all I need to know about it to convince me to buy a ticket. Also, Eva Mendes plays Will Ferrell’s way-too-hot-for-Will-Ferrell wife, and that’s a nice plus.

Sean
Teaming Will Ferrell up with director Adam McKay usually equals comedy gold (even Step Brothers had its moments). Mark Wahlberg has never really been in a comedy (intentionally) before, so it would be interesting to see how he plays as Ferrell’s straight-man. I also really like how the film features Samuel L. Jackson and The Rock making fun of their tough guy personas. Hopefully this film will succeed where Cop Out (kind of) failed.

Isaac
I’m really looking forward to this, I spent like five minutes straight at work today just acting out this one bit from the trailer with my coworkers. Did you know Will Ferrell is fantastic? Did you know that? I heard someone say he (or more precisely, his humour) was stupid. That must have been opposite hour or something. Mark Wahlberg looks like a good fit for the role; still, I’m not entirely sold on him. So long as he can play a straight man it’ll be just fine. I just found out Michael Keaton is in this movie, that’s a big win.

Step-Up 3D

Caesar
OMG! 3D is so hot right now, you guys. You know, I will admit that seeing insanely talented dancers doing insanely difficult dances is not without its appeal, but sweet baby Jesus no, I will not be seeing this film. I can go on YouTube and watch clips of awesome dancers without having to sit through a suicide-inducing attempt at a storyline or feeling like I’m being clubbed for 90 minutes by an iron pipe with the words, “It’s in 3D, dawg!” on it.

Sean
A.k.a. the world’s most unnecessary 3D film, until the release of Jackass 3D. Dance competition films are bad enough, however do we really need to the dancers arm movements and kicks in our face? In a neat little aside, I was in the UK last May where a film called StreetDance 3D was just being released (rip-off anyone?).

Isaac
I have to be careful to never never see this. I saw one segment of Randy Jackson Presents America’s Best Dance Crew and was hooked on the awesomeness. If I were to see this, I may like it in spite of what I anticipate to be a terrible story and cheap visual effects for the sake of 3D. If you can live with yourself after watching this, go have fun.

AUGUST 13th
Animal Kingdom

Isaac
This movie is what you would get if Snatch was Australian. At least that’s what I assume, I couldn’t actually understand what anyone was saying in Snatch or the trailer to this movie because of the accents. It looks really cool though, I’d like to see this.

The Disappearance of Alice Creed

Isaac
A kidnapped woman turns the tables on her abductors… could this be an adult version of Home Alone? Probably not. She’s probably got more paint cans than Kevin did.

Eat Pray Love

Isaac
Based off of a bestselling book following the self searching a woman makes when she reaches a turning point in life. It’s a pretty noble goal, but however accurate this may be, it looks like it devolves into a love story/romantic comedy. Yes, a bit unconventional, but still. It looks like the movie turns against itself, from a thematic standpoint. By which I mean they sold out to fill the seats. I won’t check it out, but I’ll be paying attention to the reviews to hear if I’m anywhere near the mark.

The Expendables

Caesar
Anyone who watched action movies in the 80’s is legally obligated to see this film. Starring Sylvester Stallone, Jet Li, Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Mickey Rourke, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Randy Couture, and featuring small roles for Bruce Willis and Arnold Schwarzenegger?! And Eric Roberts is the villain. This is the manliest movie ever. It’s like a team of scientists got together with the intention of making a movie that was guaranteed to win every category at the 2011 Spike Guys Choice Awards. Yes it has about as good a chance of being terrible as it does of being awesome, but it’s not about that. It’s about sitting in the theater and loudly yelling, “Where the hell is Van Damme?!”

Sean
Here is a film that is sold on cast alone. The plot involving a team trying to overthrow a South American dictator sounds pretty generic, however, since Sylvester Stallone has assembled a dream team of some of the best action stars of past and present, the story doesn’t really matter that much. The film even made sure to include a scene that would feature all three of the top action stars of the 80’s (Stallone, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger) on screen together (though I do kind of wish Stallone had worked harder to keep the Governator’s appearance a surprise.)

Isaac
Sylvester Stallone credited on both the screenplay and as the director. You know when else he pulled triple duty like this? Rocky. I have no real idea what will happen in the movie, but it’s got Bruce Willis! And one surprising note: Brittany Murphy is credited. Interesting?

Mesrine: Killer Instinct

Isaac
The story of a French bank robber and jail breaker, so all the elements needed for an American folk hero, but French. So, not an American folk hero. I think it looks good, but I know some French words. It may play better in Canada than in the states. Then again, maybe those guys will love bank robbers even more unconditionally than I expected.

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

Caesar
You know, I’ve never read the comics but the trailers for Scott Pilgrim look amazing, like a comic book and a video game had a three-way with a movie projector. I don’t like getting my hopes up too high, but I’m not ruling out the possibility that I’ll never have more fun in a movie theater wearing pants than when I see Scott Pilgrim.

Sean
Let’s face it, Michael Cera is now firmly typecast as the “very awkward guy.” He’s so typecast that the first trailer for this adaptation of the Toronto-based comic series is set-up to look like just another Michael Cera film – right before he starts getting pummelled in many over-the-top ways. I’m a fan of British director Edgar Wright (in his first North American production), as well as films that feature Toronto as Toronto, so I’m definitely looking forward to seeing this film.

Isaac
I’ve been a Scott Pilgrim book fan for several years now, but wasn’t so into the movie, partially because of how big a deal it is now. Which is entirely predictable, I know. As we’re getting closer to the release date I’m getting pretty pumped up. I’m even starting to think that this will be better than the actual series… then again, this is coming from the guy that wore a moustache for Youth in Revolt, and so for some reason it looks like I can get sucked into Michael Cera hype.

AUGUST 18th
Vampires Suck

Sean
In a genre that once thrived with classic films by the likes of Mel Brooks and David Zucker, parody films have lost all credibility thanks to the directing team of Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer and their habit of essentially copy and pasting the scenes they are spoofing into something resembling a script. In fact, if I remember correctly, their last film Disaster Movie featured spoofs of films that weren’t even released yet (meaning they were probably ripping off scenes from trailers). Twilight is the target this time around and the following quote from IMDB says it all: “If you’re the type of person who eye-rolls every time you hear the names Bella or Edward, but you wind up shelling out for a spoof comedy from Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer — who share the honor of having three movies in the IMDB Bottom 100– then the joke is really on you?”

AUGUST 20th
Lottery Ticket

Isaac
Stars Bow Wow (nee Lil Bow Wow) as a guy from the projects who wins the lottery. He looks good in the hero role. It looks like an interesting take on America- a golden ticket, a modern day Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, but with less childlike whimsy. Of course.

Nanny McPhee Returns

Sean
I never really paid much attention to the first film when it was released five years ago, however I do have to say that it isn’t often that you see family films that a) do not involve some sort of talking animal and b) are good enough to result in a sequel.

Isaac
Even while I can’t believe this exists, the trailer kind of won me over. I’m sitting here thinking it’s cute even as the CGI piglets look bad. And if I think they look bad, then that’s terrible. I didn’t even mind the effects in Wolverine Origins! It’s got Maggie Gyllenhaal, so that’s something everyone can enjoy. Despite some weird charm, I’m not going to this, but it could be good for the kids.

Piranha 3-D

Caesar
Okay, they’re remaking Piranha now?! That terrible B-movie from the 70’s? That sounds ridiculous and normally I’d think some wanker was trying to cash in on a cheap established property with 3D, but Alexandre Aja is directing, and he’s made some tense-ass films (The Hills Have Eyes remake and Haute Tension). But the cast is somewhat wacky – so am I going to get a nail-biting, palm-sweating horror film or is this going to be a campy tongue in cheek comedy gore-fest? I think I’d be satisfied with either.

Sean
Joe Dante’s 1978 original was meant as spoof of Jaws and this sequel/remake looks to retain some of the tongue-in-cheek campy nature (especially with the cartoonish look of the piranhas). I just love how this film is jam packed with cameos including Richard Dreyfus and Christoper freaking Lloyd! I don’t expect it to be that great story-wise, but it should be a fun film to watch.

Isaac
Not my kind of thing, but it has Christopher Loyd with a moustache! And Jerry O’Connell (from Sliders!), and Richard Dreyfuss (the guy from Jaws. Yes, and other things).

The Switch

Isaac
A friend-zone resident drunkenly switches sperm with the intended donor. Hilarity ensues, heart-warming to follow. With Jeff Goldblum as… I don’t know, Jeff Goldblum? Who cares, I love that guy.

AUGUST 27th
The Last Exorcism

Sean
This Eli Roth-produced film seems to be the first major horror film to be directly inspired by Paranormal Activity. The trailer reveals that this film features the same hand-held camera work, which I assume is meant to add the same intimate realism present within Paranormal Activity. I have to say that this film looks to be quite terrifying.

Takers

Caesar
the week of August 27th marks the first week in the past four months where one (or more) movies haven’t come out that I need to see. But if I were to especially not see a film this week, it would be Takers. The plot is a less interesting version of the plot featured in every heist movie ever made, the director and writers have hardly any experience, and most of the actors are in fact, not. Plus this movie was pushed back like, five times or something, and that’s never a good sign, even if a couple of those delays were because your “actors” were busy in jail or assaulting Rihanna.

Sean
I remember seeing the trailer for this heist film a few months ago, then forgetting all about it. Not a good sign.

Isaac
On the positive side – Hayden Christensen with a baseball bat looking awesome. On the negative side- its got Chris Brown. Lets forget about anything about Brown’s tabloid adventure – have you guys seen him act? I saw him on the last season of The O.C. He was terrible, that kid can’t act. Did he get any better? Maybe he doesn’t have to – before, he was playing a nerdy nice guy, now he’s playing a sophisticated bank robber. Yeah, no, the kid is going to have to act, fellas. As Scooby Doo would say, “Ruh-Oh!” I don’t know why I used Scooby Doo just then.