I have been a comic book reader, video game player, and movie lover for a great many years now. As such, it may shock and horrify you to know that I have never been to any kind of comic, video game, or movie convention in my life. This is because my geeky desires and nerdly urgings are tempered by a healthy laziness that whispers sweet defeats into my ear holes, such as, “Driving to Toronto is no fun,” and “You’ll need to put on pants for this,” and “If you go somewhere you wouldn’t be lying down all day.” I had always listened to that sultry voice, until now. I finally donned my hip waders and dove into the sea of nerd humanity of a convention at this weekends Fan Expo event at the Toronto Metro Convention Center.
Overall, the event was very fun and worthwhile. There were a lot of famous people there who were of interest to me for various reasons. Summer Glau (hotness), Stan Lee (legendary-ness), Adam West (awesomeness), Felicia Day (because I wuv her and you can’t have her you bastards), and more fantastic and amazing comic book talent than you could shake a giant plastic mjolnir at. There were a TON of items to buy, panels to go to, and things to see.
But as it turns out, I was ill prepared for a number of things, and I want to share with you, dear reader, a few lessons learned at this event so that you can benefit from my total and utter lack of foresight. A Nerd Survival Guide, if you will.
- Bring a Carrying Device. Within minutes of gaining entry I had purchased about ten pounds of trade paperbacks (at US prices or less), and the plastic bags provided by the retailers were not going to hold that shit in for the rest of the day. I was constantly trying new and uncomfortable ways to carry my literary burden that would delay the inevitable moment that the handles snapped off. After about four hours I found an official Fan Expo reusable bag for sale, but I could have saved myself a lot of trouble had I just brought a backpack with me or something.
- Learn To Love Standing.Because you’ll be doing that. There aren’t very many places to sit and if you choose the wrong patch of floor to sit upon you’ll likely get stepped on by a woman far too large to be non-ironically wearing that Power Girl costume. A pair of comfortable shoes are strongly advised.
- Go To The Panels.Take a look at the program provided to you and plan to attend at least one or two panels. Not only is it a good sitting-place (after you stand in line to get into the panel for half an hour or more), it is a cool experience to listen to experts talk about their profession. I only caught one panel; a sketch-off between artists Olivier Coipel and Gary Frank, and it was very cool. Not just to watch them draw, but to hear them answer questions from the audience while they were working. And it was a nice break from bumping into people. Which leads to my next point…
- Become a Zen Master of Calm. It was crowded. SO crowded. Imagine being adrift in a cornfield of people who have questionable hygiene, zero spatial awareness, limited peripheral vision, and who aren’t used to carrying around the seven foot high plastic hammer their costume demands. You could stand as far out of the way as possible and still have people bump into you. No one seemed to understand how human traffic flow works. Everyone is visually overstimulated and everywhere you look there is a distraction. I wandered into the anime district by mistake and it took me TEN MINUTES TO ESCAPE. I was literally running out of good reasons not to pull Link’s Master Sword from the replica booth and murder people.
- Bring Nourishment. There was one food and beverage purchasing area for the main floor, and it was like trying to solve world hunger with a hot dog stand. In addition, leaving for a bite to eat elsewhere was a painful process that required quite a long waiting period for re-entry. Seeing as how we weren’t searched for contraband upon entry, next time I am bringing some water and snacks with me.
- Dress For Warm Conditions. It was hot. Not unbearable but not comfortable either. Next year it might be worthwhile to buy Spock ears and a green speedo so I can stay cool whilst deflecting accusations of indecency by claiming to be dressed up as a hairy and bloated version of Namor, The Sub Mariner.
- Bring a Camera. Thankfully I thought of this one. There were lots of industry-famous people and awesome and horrible costumes that demanded to be captured with digital media. And the people who wear them seem only too happy to pose for you. The best costume I saw (and by ‘best’ I mean ‘most off the mark and hilarious’) was a Superman costume worn by a sweaty Mexican fellow. It consisted of a black t shirt with a gold Superman symbol on it, a black leather cape (because Superman loooves him some leather), black leather pants (because Superman is a biker or a rock star) and red boots. While the boots were somewhat accurate, it didn’t really match very well. It was glorious.
- Expect To Spend Money. For some odd reason, I didn’t expect to drop a lot of cash at Fan Expo, despite the fact that it is full of things that I would like to buy. I just didn’t make that logical connection, I guess. There were bank machines and credit and debit available regardless. However, had I significantly more money to my name I not only would have purchased more trade paperbacks and t shirts than my personal handmaidens could carry, but I also could have afforded the 200 to 500 dollars it would cost for a big name comic book artist to draw and sign a sketch for me (Side note: that sketch would be of The Incredible Hulk beating that artist to death for charging me 500 bucks for a sketch in the first place. If I’m paying that much for it they’ll draw what I fucking want).
That pretty much covers the major mistakes I made going into Fan Expo this year. I would definitely go back and do things differently if I had the chance, but the point is I’ll go back regardless. It was a cool experience that every comic book, art, or anime nerd should check out.
My responses:
1. This is something I learned from last year (ironically, I brought a TIFF bag)
2. There was a point during the day when my back was just killing. Standing for hours on end is not fun.
3. I did earmark some panels to go to, only ended up going to two of them since it was so hard to get back onto the show floor
4. Other my reaction to someone who very rudely pushed past me, I was calm for most of the day.
5. I hit the Pizza Pizza early, so I was fine for lunch. Later in the day was a little bit of a wait though.
6. Always do in late August
7. I should add that you have to be careful and who sees you taking photos and try to limit use of the flash (even though the pictures come out more dark and blurry otherwise)
8. I came in with about $100, left with $0
#3 — I only left the show floor once and we only had to wait about three minutes to get back up the escalators. Good timing I guess.
#4. — Some kid barreled into me at one point, but since he was about half my size I kind of smoked him without meaning to. It was annoying though because he ran into me pretty hard.
#5. — I didn’t even try the ‘food court’ line…were prices ridiculous?
The food was no more expensive than the usual event gouging, which is still expensive.
Totally useful survival guide. #4: Biggest challenge, hands down. That damn single escalator/entrance is also an issue for other events that I’ve been to at the Convention Centre.