I have opinions you won’t like
By Miles Baker
- Yes, this is directly related to the Watchmen movie coming out in theatres. It’s also a call back to a line in a review I wrote a while ago that people asked for some clarification on.
- Yes, I’m serious.
- Yes, I disturb shit as a hobby.
I am aware that Watchmen is an intelligent comic. It’s a work of graphic literature. It’s as important as people say it is. It’s complex and layered, and scarily still politically relevant to this day. But there are a few things I can’t get over while I’m reading Watchmen.
- That Alan Moore hates every character he’s writing about.
- That Sally Jupiter has a kid with the man who tries to rape her and justifies it with something along the lines of “it’s complicated.” I guess she read this.
- That Alan Moore hates sentiment and humanity.
- The colouring.
Though I’ve heard it can be argued that the colours in Watchmen are supposed to make you want to throw up. And I could buy that. I want to throw up to a lot of it. Particularly my number two there.
Now, I haven’t read every Alan Moore story out there, but, from what I’ve read, he really likes to rape or attempt to rape his female characters. Sometimes, he likes to borrow characters and rape them too, like in League of Extraordinary Gentlemen or The Killing Joke. Yes, in cases like From Hell that is clearly justified from the source material, but he really likes to visit that plot device. Like, he really likes it. It’s his thing.
I’ve had many arguments with people about Alan Moore’s misogyny that end up with them saying, “Well, yeah, he’s a misogynist but he’s a really good writer.” And I say fuck that.
It sucks that for a medium that historically has so very many problems with victimized women that this man is one of the few shots it has at legitimacy. I say we demand better than an elitist magician.
That’s the other thing he is. An elitist. Every character in Watchmen is an ineffectual rube, with the exception of the unfeeling Mr. Manhattan and the mass murdering Veitch. The Owl’s sense of nostalgia is mocked with his impotence, while Rorschach is made to look stupid with his overwrought dialogue and ridiculous sense of justice.
At the end of it, I dislike every character in Watchmen and I think Alan Moore hates them all even more. The whole work is a thesis about how failed and flawed we are and how there is absolutely no hope for us.
Fuck that too.
I do get it, why he’s popular. He’s a smart man. He has challenged the medium. He fights for his creative rights. But, right now, Alan Moore is sitting at his computer thinking of new ways he can hate you with literature.