Because suicide is for the weak.
By Sam Linton
The Winter Blahs. They come around every year, crippling people, organizations, and sometimes entire webzine sections with inaction and despair. An incessant, endlessly grey enemy without form , the Blahs (also known, among the less “cutesy” among us, as the Seasonal Blues, the Long Dull, or the Devouring White) remind us daily that our sun has deserted us, and that everything around us is dead or dying. Understandably, this isn’t the easiest time to keep up a positive attitude, or really any attitude whatsoever besides “perma-tired”. But there is hope! In the face of the endless, bleak deathscape that is winter, there are certain strategies — coping mechanisms if you will — that may make the endless months of Winter seem a tiny bit less grim, and a tiny bit more bearable.
1) Get a sun lamp. You know, the ones that supposedly mimic the natural light of the sun. That way, it’s like it’s not winter at all. In the room where you keep the lamp, that is. And assuming that you have also turned the heat on. Wait, they cost how much? 200 dollars?! Fuck. Okay, how about you…
2) …Take some vitamin D supplements. Granted, it’s not the psychosomatic paradise that a sun lamp provides, but it’s significantly cheaper, and is probably good for your health. With Mr. Sun AWOL for a few months, you can at least comfort yourself with the benefits of his rays in pill-form during his long, long absence. Like cradling an absent lover’s sock, long after she’s left you. In time, you’ll love again, but for now, you have the next best thing: ersatz simulacra! And while we’re on the subject of love lost, remember to…
3) …Imagine other people as being worse off than you. This one works best if you take the bus a lot; just look for the biggest derelict you can see and project. Create an elaborate mental narrative for yourself about the shambles of his or her life: their terrible job, their horrible family, their non-existent friends. Pity them. Scorn them. Just be glad you’re not them. You may not feel proud about dumping all your seasonal blahs on some random stranger, but don’t you feel better about yourself? And you’ve got yourself thinking creatively to boot! Why not channel that creativity into…
4) …A creative outlet. Winter isn’t so bad when you’re not paying any attention to it! You, you don’t care about the cold; you’re lost in your own thoughts, working on painting that picture, playing that guitar, writing that article. You are writing that article, aren’t you? What do you mean, you took a break? Well, how much have you done so far? Two sentences?! What is this? What do you mean “you don’t feel up to it”? Well, did you take your vitamin pills? Okay, go back to step two. You feeling better now? Ready to do this? Good. Now you’re ready to…
5) …Transparently vent about it in print! In the pages of the MONDO Lifestyle section, why not? As is, it seems as though many people have forgotten this one, cardinal rule of dealing with Winter. Everything is better if you gripe about it, and there’s no better place to gripe than MONDO! That’s practically what we’re for! Just remember this winter, when you write for MONDO, you’re not just writing for us. You’re writing for you, and you will get through this.
You will get through this.
Only three months left to go!
