MONDOmagazine

By Caesar Martini, Leo K. Moncel, and Shane McNeil

But wait, there’s more! The other half of the MegaCalendar crew is here to set your monitor ablaze with our clever views! Joining us: Shane McNeil, freshly thawed from Iceland; I, Leo Moncel, live from the Good Korea; and Caesar Martini, recovering after a catastrophic PC meltdown. But let’s throw our own stories aside and look to tales of gangsters, magic, love and heartbreak, terminal illness and balls on Eminem’s face, with July’s exciting slate of blockbusters!

JULY 1st

Public Enemies

"My Uzi weighs a ton."

Caesar:
Johnny Depp as dashing ’30s bank robber John Dillinger? Christian Bale as dashing ’30s guy who’s trying to catch Dillinger? And Billy Crudup putting on the most fun and convincing old timey ’30s accent ever? Directed by Heat and Collateral director Michael Mann? Sign me up! The trailers look awesome, and I have a feeling that this movie is going to make me long for a simpler, wilder time, when it wasn’t so goddamn hard to rob a bank.

Leo:
This may just become 2009’s overall film to beat. Up will keep the critics (still must see it, in theatres, if I can) and Harry Potter can have the audience, but if Public Enemies is as good as it looks and is not forty minutes too long (as the trailer suggests it may be), then this could be a film that has some serious longevity. Before I get ahead of myself, I really think Bale has to step his game up and do something a little richer than what he’s been offering us in Dark Knight and, I hear, Terminator. We know you can, Bale! It’s in your interest to show people you’re more than a square jaw.

The big draw for me, though, isn’t Bale or Depp, it’s the promise of what appears to be an attentively recreated period piece. I am still starved for some period texture after the murder of Deadwood by the coward HBO.

Shane:
So, you’re probably sick of the trailer by now. I am too.

But, I am going to go out on a limb and call this my early prediction to be the best film of the summer and there are a couple reasons why. They have to do mostly with the film’s cast and direction.

Johnny Depp hasn’t shown up on screens over the last 5 years or so without a pirate hat or the words “from the mind of Tim Burton” appearing on the poster. Despite the press’ love affair with him, he’d probably be better served sinking his teeth into a meaty, charming role like the ones he made his name on in the early ’90s, through visionary work like Ed Wood and Dead Man. I think John Dillinger may be such a part. Pair him up with everyone’s favourite on-set tyrant, Christian Bale, and you have the makings of the kind of acting clash Michael Mann gave us in 1995’s Heat (Pacino/De Niro, for the rock-dwellers), without having to wait 20 years when both actors need the money desperately.

And then there’s Michael Mann himself — since he switched full-time to filmmaking, he’s only made one bad movie. Beautiful filmmaking and great storytelling have been his trademark over the past two decades, including Heat, Last of the Mohicans, and the underappreciated watershed of digital camerawork that was Collateral. His movies are rarely perfect, but they’re usually intriguing at the very least, and almost always stunningly shot. The one exception being Miami Vice (his last) — you can bet he probably wants to make us forget about that one.

JULY 10th

Bruno

Sue me.

Caesar:
Though I will never argue that Borat was a cinematic masterpiece, I will readily argue that it’s probably the most surprising and shocking comedic movie I’ve ever seen. I know nothing about the Bruno character (except that he’s gay and Austrian and likes to teabag Eminem), but I do know that Sacha Baron Cohen is absolutely fearless, and I am very curious to see where he goes next. I also know that he’s married to Isla Fisher. Bastard.

Shane:
Is Sacha on thin ice? Bruno has the makings of either a comedic opus or a Borat rip-off so bad that only Borat himself could get away with making it.

I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt and trust that he didn’t blow his wad in the previews and that this movie will be much, much funnier than it looks in its trailers. After all, Cohen has been a scene-stealer everywhere he’s popped up (re-rent Talladega Nights or Sweeney Todd if you need a refresher), and I can’t see him wanting to go half-assed on a project with this much hype and importance to his celebrity currency.

I don’t believe that Bruno will deliver the kind of infectious humour that’ll have audiences doing awful impressions of the character for years afterwards, but if we don’t expect this to top Borat and just go in looking for some well-executed (albeit maybe contrived) comical ignorance hunting, we should come out laughing.

JULY 15th

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Harry has aged in this sequel.

Caesar:
I’m going to see this movie, but I’m not sure why. I seem to have mysteriously lost all interest in the Harry Potter films, and I stopped reading the books halfway through the series because Harry was getting to be quite a whiny little git, frankly…not to mention that I already know most of what happens in the series, thanks to Harry Potter nerds who read the books in two hours and then couldn’t keep their mouths shut. I think I’m watching the movies to get a quick-and-dirty sense of closure. For the record, dirty closure is the best kind of closure, and these films have always been pretty damn good.

Leo:
They’re still making these? Oh, just kidding. But seriously, I stopped watching after number four. Three (Prisoner) was pretty good — we had the werewolf teachers, and that was a smart way to talk to kids about prejudice (hey! I was a werewolf in my own time, with other werewolves! I never laid a finger on those students!) — but then the clumsily-handled time travel sank things a little. Four (Goblet) was in places downright unengaging, with the bloody tri-wizard tournament occupying every ounce of our attention in what felt like a misadaptation even to the unread viewer.

All that vented, I do really want to have a look at five (Phoenix) and then go see this one (Prince) in theatres. I feel it will be fun. I am looking forward to seeing the wizardy world splay into our own muggleverse in both movies. As to the fan claims that the series gets darker, I’ll buy it when I feel it. It certainly wasn’t going on yet by number four, unless by darker, you mean actually physically darker, like yes, they used less light.

Shane:
Took you long enough, you greedy SOBs. While Warner held onto the next Hogwarts adventure for the sole reason that they figured they couldn’t best their own Dark Knight receipts, I have no reason to believe the film won’t be as lovingly and exceptionally made as its four predecessors.

That said, we also have no reason to believe it won’t gross more than $300 Million.

Have fun. We all know this movie’s going to be excellent. We just shouldn’t have had to wait this long for the sole reason that Warner wanted to have the #1 movie of the year two years running.

JULY 24

500 Days of Summer

Still taken from Shane's nightly dream.

Shane:
Full disclosure: I have a fairly sizeable crush on Zooey Deschanel.

This has all the makings of the kind of indie darling that pops up on an annual basis: Young(ish) love, buzz stars (the heartbreaking Zooey and the suddenly-on-the-rise, please-don’t-remember-me-from-Third Rock Levitt), heartbreak, and what sounds like a killer soundtrack.

The question begs, however: will everything come together? The template worked in Garden State, less so in Away We Go. Zooey’s also perilously close to being labeled a one-note song, and I’d really like to see more than “attractively quirky” from her.

From the trailer, I believe that this one will come together nicely and if the relatively inexperienced writers and directors can show us something fresh, then it could be one of the summer’s great sleepers. For that to happen, it’s going to take more than a good-looking indie-friendly trailer and really hit audiences on a few emotional levels.

JULY 31st

Funny People

We'll see.

Caesar:
Judd Apatow has only done two movies as a writer/director (40 Year Old Virgin and Knocked Up), but they’re some of the best and most emotional comedies in recent memory. I love his brand of comedic drama, his regular cast members, and his stories. This particular story is about a veteran comedian/actor (Adam Sandler) who discovers he has a terminal illness. SOUNDS HILARIOUS!

Leo:
A comedian gets terminally ill? Yes, what a rich premise! Have you ever met any comedians? Have you ever watched a VH1 special about any comedians? Collectively, comedians are the most profoundly unhappy people short of Scandinavians. In most cases, they are neurotics who are proud of their neuroses. The psychological territory of a thick-skinned comic learning something really grave is a dark, dense, and fertile one ripe with drama and black comedy.

So why do we let Sandler get better halfway through the second act? So he can chase tail? You just threw this one in the garbage, Apatow! Sandler, post-recovery, realizes he’s gotta catch that one that got away. To do so, he’s gotta fight her completely ridiculous, bufoonish Aussie cartoon husband. Don’t make hubby a real person, or we might feel conflicted when Sandler destroys their marriage. That might be a complex feeling appropriate to the complex premise. But please, just drive this one into Weakville. Oh, and speaking of Seth Apatow, how the hell did THIS fly under the radar?