Steph Perkins is an organized thinker. She knows that the title “Succubus” is likely to garner twice as many google hits as the equally-appropriate-for-this-post title “Incubus” (see, it depends on whether you’re taking the question-asker or the Organized Thinker’s point of view). Trust her advice.
Q- I’m a commitment-phobe. I love women and dating, but every time it starts to get serious I freak out and jump ship. I’m afraid of the long term notion – the idea that one day I’m going to have to call home to my wife every night and she’ll bitch at me for being late or lazy or whatever. How do I find someone to date who isn’t going to try and trap me?
So there are still dudes like you out there, eh? Good to know, as a single girl. Really – this is just peachy.
First off, I think your idea of “long term” is pretty skewed. Contrary to popular belief, not every female on the planet lives to nag your balls off. We are a patient, forgiving species, and all most of us really want from you is respect and companionship. And you’re not a monster for being unable to offer that, and however immature I personally consider your attitude to be, you’re only human and you are who you are (and hey, at least you’re admitting it). And you’re a lucky bastard really, because when you finally are ready to commit the ladies will still be kickin’ around. But frankly speaking, no one around here is getting any younger. I think I can speak for a large majority of the female population when I say that if we knew up front that you were gonna wig out and bail there’s no way we would get involved with you in the first place. So here’s a thought: perhaps its time to take some responsibility for your overwhelming desire to have none, and remove yourself from the dating pool altogether. I’m sorry but I can’t bring myself to offer advice on how to find the type of girl you’re looking for. I have a better idea: how about I offer up some creative suggestions on how to save yourself from continuing to waste the time and ruin the lives of decent human beings.
- If you don’t like relationships, don’t start them up. If you have a history of running for the door, do us a favour and DON’T BOTHER COMING IN in the first place.
- If you’re exceptionally funny, cute, affectionate, tall, scruffy, smart, wild, or artistic- please note that these are all things that are going to attract us to you, and eventually make us want to ambush you into a life of lawn mowing and badgering. So just tone these down at all times.
- Flirting is charming – and deceiving.
- Being aloof won’t always do the trick, either – some of us find that alluring. So you’re better off being rude, obnoxious, or wildly stupid.
- If all else fails, stay home. Start a No Girlz Allowed club with your last two – totally cool – unattached buddies.
I’m sure there are plenty of girls out there looking for something short and sweet, though I imagine they might be hard to spot amongst the trappers. If you want to take a chance on one, that’s up to you. Really though, none of us can be trusted – you know how easily we can jump from swinger to clinger. So I think you should take my advice, embrace your freedom, and have fun! I’m sure your life will be MUCH easier, just better all-round without all the sex and nurturing.