By Steph Perkins
Steph Perkins is an organized thinker, probably more organized than you. Here, she offers advice to those of a less structured mindset.
Q. My boyfriend and I have decided to move in together. We’re both 25, and this will be the first time for either of us living with a “significant other.” I’m scared about living with a boy! What should I know going into this?
Okay, let me preface my subsequent words of wisdom with this — don’t be scared! You’re going to have fun! I’ve done it, and it was a blast. You are, however, right to be wary. Concerned, even. But have no fear — along with my possible scenarios for doom, I offer tips on how to survive each and keep the harmony humming in your house of love.
# 1 His stuff + your stuff = a bottle of Bud in a dress.
Unless you’re both moving out of your parents’ houses, chances are you’ve been collecting furniture and stuff for a few years. Among your things — lace curtains and an avalanche of shoes and purses; among his — a topless poster of Pamela Anderson and twelve boxes of books he’s been accumulating since he was 16.
Methods of defence: The key here is compromise. Certain items are going to have to go. For instance, if the framed Maple Leafs jersey isn’t allowed to be hung in the living room, consequently your collection of antique doilies should be stored instead of displayed. Try and mix together what you can, and shop for new housewares together. Make allowances for each other’s taste, and be open-minded (when possible). You may be surprised at what you have in common when you make choices together.
*Hot tip: If you’re moving into a 2+ bedroom abode, something that’s been working for my gf’s as of late is the dressing room or rec room. See if one of you can’t work having a room to yourself to decorate or personalize. And in turn make sure liberties are granted to furbishing ideas for the other rooms in the pad.
# 2 He’s a pig.
Ewwww boys can be so gross. (Er, so can girls.) I feel I’m more or less an expert on this subject. I’ve seen it all — from the same pair of underwear being worn several days in a row, to a pair of jeans that could stand up on their own they’re so filthy, to eating chili out of a pot that’s been sitting out on the stove for four days. A bowl permanently welded to the nightstand. Those tiny black hairs all over the sink — I could go on…
Methods of defence: Nip this in the bud immediately. The longer you silently fume every time you pick up his clothes or wash his dishes, the more likely you’re going to blow up when you’ve finally had enough. Make deals — I’ll do your laundry if you pick up the bedroom. I’m also a big fan of “I cooked it, you clean it.” It will take some time and patience, but he’ll get on board. If you’re both pigs, you’ll just have to learn to enjoy each other’s squalor whilst picking up after one another.
# 3 The courtesy flush.
Depending on how long you’ve been together you’re already well aware of this, but get ready for the shit storm. Depending on your boyfriend’s eating habits, this can occur as often as once a day, but if it happens less frequently don’t count your blessings, cause all that means is the storm’s been brewing for 72 hours since he downed those four helpings of PC lasagna Thursday night.
Methods of defence: Well there’s not much you can do here aside from having the classic match/deodorizing spray combo on hand at all times. I once attempted to have a bf coordinate his haps with my absences from the apartment, but it never worked. Also, hey, your shit stinks too, and he’s about to find out exactly how much, and you’re both going to have to deal with that as well. So your choices are: agree not to talk about it, or agree to tease each other mercilessly over it. A little dignity never hurts either — the halfway-through flush for the gents and the old running-the-faucet method for the ladies are good tricks.
# 4 While we’re on the topic of turds, I’m just gonna say it — skid marks.
More likely than not you’re going to be combining your clothes in the laundry, and that means you have to touch something that was rubbing against a dude’s crack for — let’s hope, only — twelve hours.
Method of defence: DON’T LOOK. I don’t think I need to tell you that. Don’t think about it, don’t look, just shove ‘em in there. I just want you to be prepared in case the unthinkable happens and you catch a glimpse of that scary, scary sight.
# 5 Poker night’s got a brand new scene.
Aw yea — new digs, new big kitchen, beer-stocked fridge, and your boyfriend is stoked. Poker night is the equivalent of wine & cock talk with the girls, of course. Except with us the filth ends at our confab as opposed to cigars and belching.
Methods of defence: Let him have it. It’s one night a week, and no one says you have to be there breathing in the beer farts. It’s a good night to catch up with a girlfriend, hit the mall or take some time to yourself. If it gets to be too much, ask for a week off. And make sure your only rule is that he cleans up at the end of each night. And just think, for every time his buddies stink up your place, you get control of the remote for one full evening. Or a foot rub. Or… just have some fun with that one.
These are just a few possible instances, but if you want a general rule of thumb I would say compromise, compromise, compromise. For every concession you make for him, you get one too. Open the doors of communication right away and speak up, ask for what you want, listen, and give in sometimes. A little freedom goes a long way, so choose your battles wisely and you’ll find there will be way less. Happy homemaking!
