Steph Perkins is an organized thinker, so when she gives you permission to fly off the handle, you damned well take it! Rarely will the opportunity come up again. Oh yes, and trust her advice.
Q: Some chick is trying to move in on my mans. She makes sure she shows up where he’ll be, blatantly flirts with him, texts and emails him, etc. What really burns me is that she knows he has a girlfriend — and what burns me even FURTHER is that my bf (who wouldn’t go there) doesn’t seem to get why I have such a problem with it! My question is — do I have a right to tell her to back off, or would that make me seem like a crazy bitch?
This kind of thing blows my mind because it’s completely unacceptable, and everybody in the world knows it. How ’bout GET YOUR OWN?? And I know this doesn’t mean anything to you right now, but this girl is seriously screwing up her boyfriend karma by creeping on some other girl’s dude. Just sayin’.
So your bf’s pretty blasé about the whole deal, I gather? Whatevs, let it go, it means nothing — yeah, true. But that doesn’t matter. It’s annoying, and it’s making your boyfriend annoying. What’s his deal? Well he’s a dude and he’s enjoying the attention, and let’s face it, no matter HOW wonderful and loyal and noble, they all have dick for brains. Sorry dudes, but come on.
The way I see it you are totally entitled to either tell her yourself or make your boyfriend tell her.
He’s YOUR man, she knows it as well as you do, and if your man isn’t making any moves to tell her to quit it, or he is and it’s not working, I say DO IT. Why wouldn’t you? Us chickies are frequently afraid of seeming like psychos to our boyfriends, our boyfriends’ friends, to other girls, etc., and really when I think about it, I don t know why we care so much. Honestly, who CARES what she thinks of you? And if your relationship with your man is solid it doesn’t matter if you come off as overreacting or irrational to him (you aren’t) — he’s with you because of all that, and he’s gotta be totally into the fact that you care about him enough to want him all to yourself. Your attention is the best kind.
Do what you have to do, but maybe first give your man a chance to be a man — tell him how you feel and ASK for what you want. He may appreciate the chance to let the girl down easy — and value your trust in him to do it himself.
If he decides to be difficult, or brush it off and you won’t have that, there is a super simple solution. Put him hypothetically in your shoes. And just watch his neck get all red and the steam start puffing out his ears. I can’t think of a single guy I’ve gone out with who would have been cool for a SECOND with some random dude emailing and blatantly flirting with me. It’s laughable to think about how UN-easy-going a guy would be if the tables were turned.
It’s obviously not a huge deal, but relationships are tough enough without pointless contentions like this. So I say nip it in the bud and don’t make it something you bring up three months down the road in a fight about something totally different cause you’re still hanging on to resentment over it. Quash it NOW so you don’t have to feel peeved/insecure/pissed at your boyfriend about it for another second. Not worth it!
Though nobody asked me (and who can blame them?), I agree with Steph’s approach on the matter.
I do, however, take umbrage to the assertion that all dudes have dicks for brains, much in the same way womankind would take offense if plaintively told them they all had pussies for brains. We all like sex, right?
And besides, it’s entirely possible that it’s not a sexual thing, and that your boyfriend is clueless as to this girl’s true motives. Let’s be honest, men are notoriously oblivious to subtle machinations of this type. And like Steph says, he probably likes the attention. Who among us DOESN’T enjoy it when an attractive member of the opposite sex pays attention to them?
In his mind it’s probably all harmless…but it’s obviously not harmless to you, and that should be what matters.
so you’re saying enjoying the attention of an attractive member of the opposite sex has nothing to do with sex? hmmm, i dunno about that…
but my apologies for the generalization, you’re right, sometimes i just take it there to make a point.
sp
Wellll, I wouldn’t say it has NOTHING to do with sex…but there’s definitely a lot more to it. I’d say it’s more about validation and self-esteem than it is about sex. Haven’t you ever had a boy compliment you on your appearance and not wanted to sleep with him as a result? Even compliments coming from the hideously unattractive or your mom feel kinda good. It’s just better when someone cute pays attention to you, though, partially for sex, I suppose…but mainly because a total hottie thinks YOU’RE fun/cute/smart enough to flirt with. Know what I mean? Even if the thought of boning them never enters either of your minds, it’s still pretty enjoyable.
Oh, and no apology necessary. :)