By Isaac “my #1 pick will shock you” Mills
10. Iron Man (Tony Stark)
The number ten spot was a close one and it would have gone to Namor (Imperious Rex!) if only he’d had a cartoon of his own in the 90’s. But he didn’t. Whereas Iron Man did have a show, complete with a super sweet opening using the (duh) “Iron Man” song. Back then, much like he is now, he was an overbearing jerk completely sure of the fact that he knew what was best for everyone. I remember this one episode where he faked his own death, freaking out all his friends, and then was all, “yeah, it was all just a plan to beat the bad guy. But hey, good to be back, right?”
And you know what? It can be pretty fun watching these smart jerks run wild.
9. Silver Surfer (Norrinn Radd)
Here’s this lone guy who decides to try and bargain with Galactus and save his homeworld. He has no powers, no help from his people and somehow he succeeds. All it costs him is everything he knows and loves. Then Galactus makes him forget that he did this awesomely great thing and makes him a mindless servant who serves up bunches of inhabited planets to the big guy, a fact that will come to haunt him when he returns to his senses. And what happens when he regains said senses? Galactus throws a fit and traps the Surfer in our little corner of the galaxy, when the guy just wants to get home. Does the Surfer lose his cool and wipe out the human race? No, though we sure are asking for it. He reflects, learns, and is patient.
8. Captain America (Steve Rogers)
I resisted the call of Captain America for as long as I could, as any good Canadian feels they must (but at least I managed to unfairly put him low on the list when I did relent) but he’s just too good. Like whenever he disagrees with the U.S. and goes “That’s not what America is about!” it’s just too cool. It really subverts our (my) expectation of the guy as someone who just follows orders. He just cares too much not to think about the consequences of his actions. Plus, have you ever seen him throw that shield? Awesome.
7. Nova (Richard Rider)
There’s a lot of stuff working against Nova. He was called Kid Nova for awhile, so it will occasionally mess up my Google searches of him, and his ‘Nova Corp’ is waaay too much of an obvious Green Lantern rip, but his book is still one of the best out there now. It’s the best window into the star spanning adventures of the Marvel Universe, and I needed to represent a member of the New Warriors. Because I like them. Plus, he was like best friends with Speedball who I wanted on this list so bad but just couldn’t do it.
6. Cyclops (Scott Summers)
Why do I love Cyclops? Well, despite what the other Marvel lists you read here may lead you to believe, everyone I talk to hates Cyclops. Hates him. But amidst all this surrounding hate I see through those ruby quartz glasses to the orphaned loser who pined after the cute girl in class, and worked his butt off to be the kind of guy he would himself respect. Also, Cyclops (controlled by me) and Wolverine (controlled by my brother) beat Apocalypse in X-Men Legends 2. We had to run in circles for an hour letting Wolverine heal while I took cheap laser shots at the guy from a distance, plus he booted Wolverine across the screen once (and it was hilarious!), but we beat him. This Cyclops submission is dedicated to the brave computer-controlled characters who fell in that battle. Oh, Nightcrawler! You did all the work! You shall be missed.
5. Mr. Fantastic (Reed Richards)
I love the smart guy who explains everything that’s happening in unintelligible pseudo-science terms. Plus, unlike a certain Iron individual, he isn’t a total jerk to his friends and family. He can get a little lost in whatever scientific advancement he’s working on at the moment, but that’s when someone goes: “Reed, stop, spend some time with the kids!”. And he’ll stop! Say he’s almost reached a breakthrough, then when he realizes it’s been a week he’ll go, wow, that was long, and chill with the kids.
4. The Ever-Loving Blue-Eyed Thing (Ben Grimm)
There are two (surprising) sides to the Thing, his downer “I’m a monster forever” side, and his “what new adventure are we going on now, Big Brain” side. He seems to keep on forgetting that Reed’s shenanigans are what got him stuck all rocky in the first place, but most of the time he loves it. His many great catch phrases are a big draw for this “Idol O’ Millions”, his variations on “It’s Clobbering Time” will keep the crowds a-coming for years. There’s even a card out there with him saying “It’s Clobbering Pine!” while swinging a tree around. Just try and tell me you don’t love that! Also, I have to point out his talents for exposition. Back in the day when something needed explaining, ol’ Stan Lee would have the Torch go “is that a so-and-so?” and Thing would always sarcastically reply “well it sure ain’t a box of me sweet Aunt Petunia’s candied pralines.” Or something to that effect. Of course this was back when he was REALLY grumpy all the time.
3. Wolverine (James “Logan” Howlett)
Yeah, I know. Wolverine is on everyone’s list. He’s like Marvel’s Batman. So there isn’t a whole lot I have to say to justify him being on the list. Here are a couple big ones from me anyway:
- He’s Canadian.
- In his first appearance he fought the Hulk.
- He’s the only guy on the planet to call Professor X “Chuck”.
- The there’s the way the crowd erupted when he leapt off the stairs and stabbed those army guys in X-men 2.
2. The Amazing Spider-Man (Peter Parker)
You grew up watching Spidey on T.V. I grew up watching him on T.V. You’re singing the jazzy theme song RIGHT NOW! Don’t deny it. I’m singing it all the time. Even when it’s still around two years before a new Spidey movie is out, I’ll be walking around like I can shoot webs from my hands (wait, what? I can’t!?) Even though he’s got it so easy when he fights regular bad people, that just lulls him into a false sense of security then he gets trounced by his real villains that are way to powerful for him to be messing with. The Sandman could take the Fantastic Four out half the time (that’s pretending like Mr. Fantastic doesn’t have some ‘sand discorporation beam’ in his back pocket) but Spider-Man has to fight him, and alone? It’s really not fair. Then there’s the choice he always has between making himself look like the perfect, responsible nephew, and actually being a responsible good person.
1. The Sensational Spider-Man (Ben Reilly)
When I first got into comics it was just at the tail end of “The Clone Saga”, so there was Lil’ Isaac trying to piece together what had been going on with the past two years (at least) of confusing storyline with my surprising guide and hero, Ben Reilly. Much like Spider-Man’s recent troubles leading up to “One More Day”, back in the day Peter Parker was having a rough time of it, what with doubting the truth behind his existence (re: whether or not he was a clone. Which never really should have mattered). So he was pretty dark and it wasn’t what Spidey was all about. Then I pick up Spectacular Spider-Man #230 by Todd DeZago and Sal Buscema and the first image there is one of Spidey leaping free and exultant into the air, all the baggage of the recent past melted away, and it was just good times, classic Spidey style. That’s part of why I like the recent “Brand New Day” stuff, I guess. But they really should have learned their lesson the first time and not let Spidey get that dark again.
For the most part, it’s classic Spider-Man doing his thing with Ben Reilly, except he did have it a little tougher, if you ask me. He was being asked to fight all these guys he’d never met before, or hadn’t seen in five years, who had all grown accustomed to fighting an experienced Spider-Man. Man, Ben Reilly got beat so badly so often, but he kept getting back up, like a good Spider-Man is supposed to do. He has the additional boost of having died a super heroic death saving Peter Parker, so he can’t be anything less than the hero he was when he died. That said, if anyone ever makes the mistake of letting me write a Spider-Man comic… boom, guess who comes back to life?
I anyone ever makes the mistake of hiring me to edit Marvel comics, I couldn’t let you bring Ben back to life. Just for the sake of the new fans. Poor new fans.
But I know what you mean. I read a couple issues of Ben Reilly’s Spider-man and was impressed as a kid. And I can see why the writers did it. You had Peter’s increasingly confusing continuity creeping into the forefront and who didn’t love a blonde in those days? Of course, it did only make the series more confusing because there were at least two retcons during the storyline… good times.
However, take comfort in the fact that Brand New Day brought back other gems no one was asking for like Harry Osborn. So there’s a chance Ben’s still alive, just away somewhere. It my mind he’s opened a surf store on the west coast.
You’re right, your number one pick DID shock me. Seriously, dude.
However, I’m tickled that Silver Surfer was on your list, I love that guy — “Taste the power cosmic!” And Nova is a great character too. So is Cyclops…I think he’s a totally awesome character but nobody but Joss Whedon has written him properly in the last, oh I don’t know, decade or so? I guess Grant Morrison did a decent job with him.
And I’m not going to get into it, but the Clone Saga was a huge mistake of a story perpetrated by idiots, and One More Day is basically a repeat of it, except executed even more poorly. As for the fun of having a cheerful, wisecracking Spider Man again not bogged down by too many adult trappings, THAT’S WHAT ULTIMATE SPIDER MAN IS FOR.
Ah crap, now I’m mad.
Who said anything about not being bogged down by adult trappings?
Ben Reilly was still an adult, he just wasn’t super dark brooding over clone craziness, which yes was an editorial descision to make ol’ Parker look bad, so Reilly would be more accepted.
Ultimate Peter Parker is often a very different kind of guy than in the regular ‘verse, who most definately doesn’t make my top ten.
Though he does get serious points for being Spidey in some sense or other.
Oh, I was talking about the “Brand New Day” Spidey when I said that. Ben Rielly was still an adult and much the same as “classic” Spider Man and all that.
I drew the comparison between the Clone Saga and One More Day because both storylines were widely despised for what I believe is the same reason: they took X-number of years of comic book continuity and made them irrelevant, and slapped Spider Man fans in the face. What’s my reward for reading Spider Man comics for the last however-many years? Having everything I read getting wiped away so nothing really mattered. You know?
Okay, the adult trappings thing I can see being attributed to the newest Peter Parker post OMD, sorry, obviously I have to defend the old Scarlet Spider.
Yeah, the clone saga itself was a slap to fans, but I loved the freedom Ben had, regardless of the circumstances.
The thing about the One More Day and Brand New Day stuff is, yes, it should be the HUGEST slap in the face to fans, but when I read the first BND issue and I was laughing and having a great time, I realized how long it had been since I had really REALLY enjoyed Spidey. I could feel that he was back to what I really loved, and I couldn’t tempt fate by asking it to be taken away and given back properly. Only with the Flashes does lighting ever strike twice in the same place.
I’d say the only MAJOR mistake they made with the Clone Saga was making Ben the “real” Peter Parker. I really have no problem with a Spidey clone swinging around out there — could make for some good stories. But by making Ben the “real” Spidey, they made Peter “fake” and that’s too much for fans to handle (justifiably).
As for OMD and BND; fine, I get it, you want to bring Spider Man back to basics. But I can not, and will not EVER approve of the method by which they did it, because sweet baby jesus, was it ever stupid and lazy. I mean, magic? Really? “We don’t have to explain it, it’s magic?” And what were the brilliant changes?
Well, let’s bring Harry Osborn back to life for no reason. And let’s make Peter and Mary Jane single, like they never ever dated. And let’s Make Peter’s identity a secret, even though it was a major plot point of Civil War which only happened less than a year ago — AND even though we already made his identity secret again in The Initiative. And let’s make MJ a superhero, why not? And let’s call her “Jackpot!” As in, “Face it tiger, you just hit it.” How clever! And let’s explain it all by saying all that stuff in the past really did happen, but Mephisto made everyone forget, but let’s not map it out in any clear or rational way; let’s just let our dedicated fans and readers assume that all the awesome Spidey stories of the past decade or so didn’t really matter or count or possibly even happen.
It’s just so badly written, I can’t fucking stand it. It’s selfish, lazy writing and fans deserve better. It’s such a terrible idea with such abominable execution that I can’t believe it actually happened.
Okay I should stop ranting now. I just hate OMD so much. I hate it more than Hitler. It’s a travesty of writing.