This week, the column’s title can be interpreted in a fairly literal sense.
By Ben Robinson
Bill Hicks restored my faith in Texas. George W. Bush had just been elected President and my prejudiced notions that Texas was filled with nothing but a bunch of hicks seemed to be confirmed by Bush’s Presidency. King of the Hill was mildly funny, but their main joke was that Texas is an awful place to be. Then, late one night in the summer of 2003, I came upon the website of Shecky Magazine — an internet rag for comedians, by comedians. And reading its sacred pages I found that these comedians had something in common. They were in love with Hicks. I held my nose and downloaded his album Rant in E Minor.
Rant in E Minor was the first comedy album that I listened to on a regular basis. I watched Chris Rock’s Bigger & Blacker a few times, but once you knew the jokes they lost a lot of replay enjoyment. Rant in E Minor was a rock and roll album. Not only did it have guitar riffs in it, but he played from his fucking heart. There were jokes, to be sure, but the main appeal of Rant in E Minor was the philosophy, the character, the attitude. Each listen would soak you deeper into the world of Bill Hicks. Bill Hicks died of cancer in 1994. But the world he lived in was not that different from the world we live in today. A President Bush is about to leave office, ending a long reign of terror. “What about Clinton, you sure hope it’s Clinton? I hope it’s Clinton.” Here’s how Bill Hicks views politics: “I think the puppet on the left chair suits my beliefs. I think the puppet on the right is more to my liking.” Would Bill Hicks be gay for Obama? Doubtful.
I liked Rant in E Minor so much that I got my parents to take me out and buy me a genuine Bill Hicks CD. I hadn’t bought a CD since Radiohead’s Kid A. I was kinda morally opposed to the idea. The CD I bought was Arizona Bay. At first I didn’t really like it. It wasn’t that powerful and it wasn’t that funny. “Curse the RIAA!”, I screamed, as I clawed desperately at my facial features. But the CD had been paid for and I was obliged to listen to it again. It grows on you like that green stuff grows on me when I stop showering. First there’s a small patch on my bicep and I ignore it as just some lint. Eventually my entire body is covered in it and I can’t stop loving Bill Hicks. Arizona Bay is the cranky older brother of Rant in E Minor. It is less funny, and more angry. Hicks describes how he quit smoking. He walked down the street of New York and found a dead body. “Hey look, a dead body! You know if I hadn’t quit smoking I would have just walked right past it!”
Bill Hicks’ earlier albums are Relentless and Revelations. These were made before he found out he had cancer. He talks less about injustice and more about sex. He has a character called Goat Boy, his horny alter ego. He enacts how he gets a woman to put her legs on his horns while he licks her vagina like a feed bag. This “joke” is purely shocking. I hope it got him laid. In the Sane Man video, he says he’s on the flying saucer tour, because like UFOs, he is visiting small towns. These videos and albums are initially funnier than Rant in E Minor and Arizona Bay, but they do not have the same replay value.
Sam Kinison toured with Bill Hicks before Kinison made it big. I was very pleased to hear this; I’ve seen his work on TV and loved it. When I found out he worked with Hicks, I went and downloaded the first full-length Kinison album I could find. I found one of his stadium shows, where 90% of his jokes ended in the punchline, “cocksucker”. Nonetheless, you can hear Kinison’s fury in Bill Hicks. Bill Hicks is Sam Kinision with an English degree. Instead of making the punchline, “YOU COCKSUCKER!” or, “my wife! AAAAAH AAAAAAH!”, which is kinda funny, Bill Hicks shouts something intelligent that you will want to come back and listen to again for the 15th time.
Still, eventually I got bored of Bill Hicks. Time passed, and someone wrote a biography of him, American Scream. It is not very good. In fact, it is downright boring. All the good parts of the book I had already gleaned from the internet from various articles. The first time someone asked if they could borrow the book, I told them they could keep it.
I wish Bill Hicks was still alive today. The person I see currently holding the Bill Hicks torch is Doug Stanhope. Stanhope is still in the Relentless phase of his career, but you can hear the fire behind his words. Some people say Joe Rogan is the next Bill Hicks. (Bill Hicks is the next Lenny Bruce, by the way.) Joe Rogan is good, but I don’t think he’s quite sharp enough. Don’t get me wrong, I would cream my pants if I met Joe Rogan, but my money is on Doug Stanhope. Die, Doug, Die.
