Hey guys, nickels is money too.
By Jenny Bundock
I’ll be the first to admit that I am not what anyone would describe as a “tidy” person. In fact, to say I am tidy is laughable. I am a mess, with a capital M. My room has a lot of stuff in it, and on the walls, and in the closet… and I can keep it from getting out of control most of the time. However, despite my efforts to retain some peace amidst the laundry and the dirty dishes, I am suddenly baffled by a phenomenon that I had previously assumed was attributable to my sty-esque living standards rather than any external cosmic forces, but I was proven wrong a few nights ago.
Basically, I’m talking about waking up with a nickel stuck to me.
It happened on this Sunday morning for probably the 20th time in my life — but this time it was bizarre, because I hadn’t slept in my own bed (ooh scandal!) and the room I was in was very (notably) tidy.
In efforts to track down rogue nickels in the past I have eliminated excess sheets from my bed (just a bottom sheet and a blanket thank you very much) and have gone so far as to do a visual scan before I get in. I wash the blanket and single sheet frequently, and I make the bed every day or two, and I never ever EVER find nickels. Not even potential nickel habitats, like pants with change in the pockets on the bed, a wallet in the sheets… my piggy bank suspiciously close to the bed… NOTHING. And yet, every so often, I wake up and itch what feels like tight skin on my thigh or lower back, or upper arm, and a nickel falls off.
As near as I can tell, this means only one thing. I produce nickels.
Don’t ask me how it is possible, because I’m not a scientist and I don’t know — all I know is I go to sleep in a nickel-less bed, and I wake up with nickels attached to the soft, fleshy parts of my body. I suspect this has something to do with how often I use the phrase “If I had a nickel for every time [blank].” Obviously what has happened is some seemingly infrequent event has in fact begun a process within my body to actually grant me said nickel over the period of one night’s sleep.
Now, the next step will obviously be to discover what the process is, and then try to generate a single nickel every night for the rest of my life — but until then, one thing is for certain: I am going to definitely ask whatever cosmic force granted me this ability for a raise. Because (cough) “If I had $50 for every time I found a nickel on my body” it would be way better for me in the long run, just saying.
See you suckers at the bank!
Yours in change,
Jenny
i can attest to your untidyness, and also to your nickel producing abilities! hey, keep those nickels in a jar and we’ll have a five cent candy party sometime.
If I save enough of them we can have a Chrystal party… bling bling!
Heh heh, I liked this.
Thank you!