Anyone up for a costume parade?
What a week, darlin’: my social calendar seemed to be filled up since Monday morning, or at least I was. I started rolling with this new “artsy” crowd and learned something very important: if you want to get laid, throw a sexy theme party.
These kids seriously know where the bulls-eye good times are: tarts and vicars, pimps and hoes, sexy farm sluts.
At one party, this girl dressed as a sexy goat and the boys couldn’t get enough of her. Hey, your fetish is your business! This week, I think I’ll throw a White Trash bash, as those girls back home were always getting action. Hmmm.
Dear Mz. Richard:
I have a problem: I think I might be gay. I have always been straight (like really straight) but a recent experience is making me think differently. A couple of weeks ago, I was at a club and saw this super fine girl and I went up to talk to her. We had a few more drinks and we ended up back at her place. All was going well until I went to feel the goods, and she had more goods than expected. She’s a man, dude, I mean Mz. I freaked out a bit, but then I ended up being kinda turned on and I went down on her/him and we ended up having sex. I’m really confused; I mean, she looked like a woman and that’s what first attracted me, but she is a man, so does that make me gay? The problem is, I can’t stop thinking about her, and along with being sexy, she’s a really cool person that I want to get to know better. Should I see her again?
Oh, Deary, Deary, Dear. Well what to tell you? There have been many fine films made about this very subject: The Crying Game, Ace Ventura Pet Detective, etc., and all of those characters made it through all right. Well, all right enough.
But you’ll make it through. The whole question of gay or not has been debated for decades. How do you know are gay? Just how gay are you? One theory I like to subscribe to is the sliding-scale theory: Inherently we are all bi-sexual, we all have a little gay in us, just some more than others. In your case you had a lot in you. Ha-haa! Oh, mercy me.
Okay love, sorry, I don’t mean to tease, but come on. I mean, I don’t think I’m a lesbian, but I may or may have gone down on the 1988 Georgia College girls swim team. Sure, we called it “sexual education” but call it what you like, I like to dive from time to time. I know this is traumatic for you, that you may be discovering a part of yourself that you didn’t know was there, but I say embrace it! You liked it, right? You had a good time and you want to go back for more. You said it yourself.
Are you really going to give up a potentially fulfilling relationship sexually or otherwise because of a label? Honey, if I listened to labels, I would have agreed to call myself a slut with everyone else who was, and stuck a cock in my mouth while crying about it, but no, I stood up and said “screw you, I’m fabulous!” and went on with my life. Honey, I know it’s hard, but more importantly, you were hard, so that’s something. You’re not hurting anyone by doing this, and there is nothing wrong with it, so call her. As for if you’re gay, well, if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it probably loves sucking cock. And there ain’t no shame in that sweetheart, whatever you want to call it.
All right love monkeys, keep it dirty, keep it hard, keep it how you like it,